Dear Barcelona:
It has been a while. Hello again.
It is ironic to me that the reason I actually have time to blog right now is because we are all trapped at home thanks to Snowstorm Nemo (who the heck came up with that name?!) when less than 2 months ago I was living minutes from the Mediterranean shore.
Less than 2 months ago I was still becoming a different me. I am still becoming that person, but school here in America is a distraction from myself.
I have a strict schedule. I go to class. I do homework. I go the gym. I have a snack. I go to bed. Wake up. Repeat. My planner is constantly with me and I know exactly what I will be doing when I get up the next day.
I am not unhappy. I am not depressed.
But I am not with you anymore.
I think about you every time I am bored. Or stressed. Or when campus is quiet and I remember living in a city. To be honest, part of me is with you constantly. I packed my suitcases but forgot to bring my heart back, I think. (Oh, Alex. Melodramatic much?)
Barcelona, I fell in love with you. I miss you in a different way than I have ever missed anything before. I was torn away before I was ready. I have a place here at home; with my friends, my family, my dogs, my school and my future. But you have changed my future in ways I am unsure how to articulate. I have settled back into my old space faster than I would have liked. Some days, I can't even look at pictures of my life with you because it hurts too much to know I am not there.
Please don't think I am ungrateful. In fact, it is the opposite. I feel so overwhelmed with the opportunities I have been given, and I thank God for those blessings every day. My study abroad experience was a dream.
The hard part is I feel like my dreams have been put on pause. Restlessness is my routine now.
Barcelona, you have changed me, and sometimes I am not sure what to do with these changes. My friends recognize me...or do they? Honestly, I can't even tell anymore.
The good news is I am trying to take what you taught me and apply it to my American life:
Roll with the punches.
Don't plan ahead too far.
Take things as they come.
Live in the moment, because
God has a plan for you.
Let go and let God.
Sincerely,
Post-study abroad student.
