The fact that I am even remotely qualified enough to apply for something like this boggles my mind. I remember when I got the email in Barcelona, sitting at my hard boring desk in Residencia Onix with the shades drawn because the white wall across from me was always terriby blinding when the sun hit it. I saw that someone at Assumption had recommended me to apply for a Fulbright scholarship and I was, quite honestly, shocked. But now I am down to the decision making part. Where does my heart want to go next?
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
6 months later...
My grilled cheese and I felt the need to blog today. I am sitting in NU Cafe in Worcester, about to head over to Assumption to meet my Spanish professor about something very important: where I am going to apply for a Fulbright.
Friday, February 8, 2013
Querido Barcelona
Dear Barcelona:
It has been a while. Hello again.
It is ironic to me that the reason I actually have time to blog right now is because we are all trapped at home thanks to Snowstorm Nemo (who the heck came up with that name?!) when less than 2 months ago I was living minutes from the Mediterranean shore.
Less than 2 months ago I was still becoming a different me. I am still becoming that person, but school here in America is a distraction from myself.
I have a strict schedule. I go to class. I do homework. I go the gym. I have a snack. I go to bed. Wake up. Repeat. My planner is constantly with me and I know exactly what I will be doing when I get up the next day.
I am not unhappy. I am not depressed.
But I am not with you anymore.
I think about you every time I am bored. Or stressed. Or when campus is quiet and I remember living in a city. To be honest, part of me is with you constantly. I packed my suitcases but forgot to bring my heart back, I think. (Oh, Alex. Melodramatic much?)
Barcelona, I fell in love with you. I miss you in a different way than I have ever missed anything before. I was torn away before I was ready. I have a place here at home; with my friends, my family, my dogs, my school and my future. But you have changed my future in ways I am unsure how to articulate. I have settled back into my old space faster than I would have liked. Some days, I can't even look at pictures of my life with you because it hurts too much to know I am not there.
Please don't think I am ungrateful. In fact, it is the opposite. I feel so overwhelmed with the opportunities I have been given, and I thank God for those blessings every day. My study abroad experience was a dream.
The hard part is I feel like my dreams have been put on pause. Restlessness is my routine now.
Barcelona, you have changed me, and sometimes I am not sure what to do with these changes. My friends recognize me...or do they? Honestly, I can't even tell anymore.
The good news is I am trying to take what you taught me and apply it to my American life:
Roll with the punches.
Don't plan ahead too far.
Take things as they come.
Live in the moment, because
God has a plan for you.
Let go and let God.
Sincerely,
Post-study abroad student.
It has been a while. Hello again.
It is ironic to me that the reason I actually have time to blog right now is because we are all trapped at home thanks to Snowstorm Nemo (who the heck came up with that name?!) when less than 2 months ago I was living minutes from the Mediterranean shore.
Less than 2 months ago I was still becoming a different me. I am still becoming that person, but school here in America is a distraction from myself.
I have a strict schedule. I go to class. I do homework. I go the gym. I have a snack. I go to bed. Wake up. Repeat. My planner is constantly with me and I know exactly what I will be doing when I get up the next day.
I am not unhappy. I am not depressed.
But I am not with you anymore.
I think about you every time I am bored. Or stressed. Or when campus is quiet and I remember living in a city. To be honest, part of me is with you constantly. I packed my suitcases but forgot to bring my heart back, I think. (Oh, Alex. Melodramatic much?)
Barcelona, I fell in love with you. I miss you in a different way than I have ever missed anything before. I was torn away before I was ready. I have a place here at home; with my friends, my family, my dogs, my school and my future. But you have changed my future in ways I am unsure how to articulate. I have settled back into my old space faster than I would have liked. Some days, I can't even look at pictures of my life with you because it hurts too much to know I am not there.
Please don't think I am ungrateful. In fact, it is the opposite. I feel so overwhelmed with the opportunities I have been given, and I thank God for those blessings every day. My study abroad experience was a dream.
The hard part is I feel like my dreams have been put on pause. Restlessness is my routine now.
Barcelona, you have changed me, and sometimes I am not sure what to do with these changes. My friends recognize me...or do they? Honestly, I can't even tell anymore.
The good news is I am trying to take what you taught me and apply it to my American life:
Roll with the punches.
Don't plan ahead too far.
Take things as they come.
Live in the moment, because
God has a plan for you.
Let go and let God.
Sincerely,
Post-study abroad student.
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